The Black Phone (2022) Review

Scott Derrickson’s The Black Phone is the reason why I fucking love horror movies; it’s rare these days to see unique, original horror movies that tap into universal, deep fears like The Black Phone does.

In 1978, there’s someone abducting children nicknamed The Grabber (Ethan Hawke) who takes a boy named Finney (Mason Thames) and is trapped in a basement with a mysterious black phone. Meanwhile his little sister Gwen (Madeline McGraw) has visions of them and is trying to piece them together before it’s too late.

I can’t get over how incredible this movie is. The atmospheric tension alone is enough to qualify it, but the performances by Mason Thames and Ethan Hawke are fucking masterful. Thames gives this quiet, strong performance that is underlined by the pain of being bullied. Jesus christ, this is an example of how less is more

Ethan Hawke has created the modern monster for a new generation (ironic considering it takes place in 1978). His face is mostly obscured by this horrifying mask, and his body language just adds to this creep factor that just needs to be seen to be appreciated. Again, Hawke proves that subtlety is way more effective than going full blown, over the top crazy.

What sets this movie a part from other horror films is the use of the titular black phone. I don’t want to spoil the purpose of it, but it is unsettling and down right brilliant, leading to some of the most powerful scenes in the movie. I didn’t expect it to get me emotional, and how it serves Finney’s character arc.

A great set up for the film is the relationship between Finney and his sister Gwen. Bear in mind these kids around 12 years old, but they have a bond, and truly show that they love each other. So when Gwen starts to look for her brother, you’re invested and want her to succeed. I wanted them to have a happy ending.

The Black Phone, fuck it I’ll say it, is a new classic. A haunting villain, amazingly strong sympathetic characters, and a supernatural element that is beyond genius. I truly didn’t expect to love The Black Phone this much, for it to tap into some long forgotten fears, to celebrate brotherhood. I can’t recommend this masterpiece enough.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) Review

Director Sam Rami, from The Evil Dead to Spider-Man has always been a fun energetic filmmaker who just trailed off; but it does bring me some joy that some of the old Sam Rami shines through in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.

Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) goes up against Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) who needs the powers of America Chavez (Xochitl Gomez) to jump around the Multiverse.

What makes this movie work, first and foremost, is the conflict between Strange and Wanda; I love both of these characters and to see them fight made me feel hurt. Wanda has a great motive and it made me feel the pain she’s going through.

And honestly, I was terrified of her. She’s so powerful that all throughout I kept saying, “How do you defeat her?” And that brought out the thematic horror of the movie.

My favorite thing about the whole movie is that this is by all accounts, a horror movie. The old Sam Rami came out, and gave us this fun energetic exercise in horror that did bring a smile to my face. It’s just a different type of Marvel movie and I am all for it.

I do got to say that if I do have a gripe, is that there was so much more that could’ve been done with the Multiverse itself. The glimpse we got was great, but I wanted more. Here was a Marvel film that I wanted to be an extra half hour, to make it more fun and crazy.

I do recommend this movie, it’s entertaining, but I have been spoiled by the other Multiverse film, Everything Everywhere All At Once a movie that just went even crazier than this one. So yeah, I wanted a little more out of Doctor Strange but I enjoyed what I got.

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022) Review

To be upfront, while I have enjoyed the Harry Potter books and films, I haven’t been a fan of the Fantastic Beasts films. They’re just drab, and have an uninteresting main character. But with the focus on Jude Law’s Dumbledore, I figured this has to be good, right?

Grindelwald (Mads Mikkelsen) has built an army to combat Dumbledore and his cronies, to take over the world. That’s it. That’s the fucking plot.

Look, this movie was just so underwhelming across the board. Even Mikkelsen, who’s an actor I fucking love, was just dull. It just seemed like he showed up on set, and went “Yeah, ok”. Even the confrontation with Dumbledore felt, meh. Even the other actors, like Eddie Redmayne, seem fucking bored by the whole events of the movie. Even the damn secret of Dumbledore is a fucking joke.

This really bums me out because, by all accounts, this should be thrilling. But instead we get some haphazard allegory about fascism, it quite frankly comes off as lazy.

I really wanted to like this movie. I really did. I mean how in the fuck do we get to see the Grindelwald/Dumbledore fight and it seems so inconsequential? Fans of the Wizarding World deserve so much better than this.

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) Review

Everything Everywhere All At Once is the reason I fell in love with movies to begin with; a spectacular journey that makes you feel every single emotion imaginable, while also being funny, heartwarming, devastating, you name it.

Evelyn (Michelle Yeoh) is an average woman trying to keep her laundromat afloat when her husband Waymond (Ke Huy Quan) out of nowhere says he’s from an alternative timeline and the multiverse is in danger, with Evelyn being the only one who can save it.

I don’t want to divulge too much of it’s plot, which takes genre bending to a whole other level. You go in expecting one type of movie, and then it just fucks with you in every conceivable way.

Everything Everywhere All At Once just manages to illicit every emotion imaginable; laughter, joy, excitement, sadness, you name it. I genuinely can’t even place this in a proper genre. It lives up to its title.

Personally, this film cut me way too deep in its themes. I can’t think of another movie that made me cry, and then laugh as I’m still shedding tears. It seriously felt like one of those movies that was made for me.

With that, this is a prime example of what surrealism truly is; the film can mean different things to different people, and none of them are wrong at all. That is the definition of art, and Everything Everywhere All At Once is a masterpiece that deserves to be seen.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) Review

The first Sonic the Hedgehog was a miracle in that it was a video game movie that didn’t make me want to chuck someone at the screen, so this sequel had a high bar to clear. And holy shit did it clear it.

Sonic (Ben Schwartz) has adjusted to life with Tom and Maddie (James Marsden, Tika Sumpter) when Dr. Robotnik (Jim Carrey) comes back with Knuckles (Idris Elba) to obtain the Chaos Emeralds. Luckily, Sonic is joined by Tails (Colleen O’Shaughnessey) to put a stop to them.

Look, I was hoping I would, at the very least, be entertained by this sequel. Or not be bored, take your pick. But holy shit is this movie, in every way shape or form, just better than the original.

The movie actually takes the Sonic mythology seriously, and goes into the tribalism, the honor of the characters. Like Knuckles has an actual motive for his actions. The world has opened up, and not for the franchise’s sake.

I cannot emphasize enough how fucking funny the movie is, and not just Jim Carrey; I couldn’t keep track of how many times I burst out laughing. I mean laughing with the movie, not at it. That’s a huge difference.

By all accounts, the movie not only shouldn’t have worked, but it had almost no right being better than the first one. Sonic 2 is a rare sequel that believes in the convictions of its mythology and characters. If it keeps this up, just take my money now so I can see the next one.

Morbius (2022) Review

I’ve always loved vampires, so imagine how giddy I was when the Living Vampire Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) was introduced in the Spider-Man animated series. So now we finally get a film version by Sony, so it’s got to be good, right?

Dr. Michael Morbius suffers from a rare, incurable disease affecting his blood, so he stumbles upon using bats blood. This ends up turning him into a vampire. His best friend Milo (Matt Smith) also suffers from the same disease, finds this as a gift of life and will stop at nothing to have it.

Believe it or not, there’s some good things in Morbius; the main one being Matt Smith’s Milo. The early scenes do a great job at establishing their friendship, and there’s some sweet funny banter with Morbius. Hell, there were moments where I would feel bad for Milo, and his condition. Matt Smith is the real MVP.

I have always loved Morbius, the concept of him, and Jared Leto does a good job with the character. He’s not gonna win any Oscars, but that’s not why we come to movies like this. He shines the most when the character is allowed to have a sense of humor, which is the first act or so.

Alright, to get to the biggest problem, which keeps this movie from being recommendable, is the fucking editing. There are moments when the film jumps from one event to the other, and I’m just fucking bewildered. Like, someone got paid to do this. Some was given money to have Morbius, the Living Vampire, be on a rooftop with a cop, and then is literally in jail the next second.

Morbius is a living Vampire!

That is just the most egregious offense. It pisses me off because I love the character, and I was engaged with his friendship with Milo. But then the movie devolves into a shit CGI-fest, which is par for the course, but I could see that there was so much more that could have been developed, something tragic.

So is this one of the worst Marvel movies ever made? God no! I have seen shit that still haunts me in just how offensively awful it was. Morbius is just more frustrating than anything because I loved the lore and relationships in the film. It’s just the goddam editing that holds it back from being great, and Sony just needs to cut that shit out.

Turning Red (2022) Review

Fuck it, I’ll say it straight up: Pixar is just the gold standard when it comes to movies. Here comes their latest offering Turning Red when is a hilarious unique spin on the coming of age story.

Mei (Rosaline Chiang) is a 13 year old girl in Canada living her life to the fullest and is obsessed with boys, and a boy band. Like a typical teenager. Well, she suddenly turns into a giant red panda, as all the women in her family turn into, and has to discover her individuality and place within her family.

While Turning Red does take bit to get going, but once it does, it is such a sweet, hilarious piece of work. The core of the story is between Mei and her mother (Sandra Oh), the overprotective nature of the relationship and that is something we can all relate to.

So as far as coming of age stories go, Turning Red is just fucking excellent. I was entertained throughout, the climax at the end is fucking genius. I guess I just loved the character moments, and the transformation being a metaphor for puberty.

I don’t feel it’s fair to compare this movie to other Pixar works, just that it fulfills its place as a damn good, quality movie that I enjoyed the living hell out of.

Encanto (2021) Review

Whether we like it or not, we all have our roles to play within our family; the one who cooks, cleans, can find incredible savings on electronics, it can be anything.

Encanto is such a movie that celebrates those dynamics, and where we can all fit in with our families. It’s an easily relatable film, regardless of your family background.

The family Madrigal all have special powers, or gifts, that contribute to the family. Like Luisa (Jessica Darrow) has super strength, Tia Peppa (Carolina Gaitan) changes the weather based on her mood. And there’s Maribel (Stephanie Beatriz) who has no powers at all. But when their home starts falling apart, it’s up to her to save the family.

This movie is light, and has a lot of heart, with a strong protagonist at the center of it all. I don’t think there’s a person alive who won’t relate to the family dynamics that are at display here. Who doesn’t feel like an outsider within their own family? That right there makes Encanto more powerful than one would expect.

The songs by Lin-Manuel Miranda are catchy and do a damn good job of developing the characters, of which there are a lot, and advancing the plot forward.

The animation though is where Encanto truly shines; the colors are so vibrant and lush that you can almost catch yourself being lost in them. Giving the film it’s own unique flare that surprisingly stays with you.

At its core, Encanto is about family, and how even if we appear to be perfect, the cracks do eventually start to appear. The movie has a depth that I certainly didn’t expect, and hit me a little too personally. This is one of those movies that I couldn’t wait to see again as soon as it was over. There’s so much much here that transcends cultural line, and that just makes it a wonderful picture to experience.

The Matrix Resurrections (2021) Review

Sometimes its easy to forget how groundbreaking The Matrix was when it came out in 1999. The mixture of eastern philosophy and orgasmic inducing action was practically unheard of in a studio film.

And then the sequels happened. So that leads us to the newest entry, The Matrix Resurrections. It too exists. Good for it.

Thomas Anderson (Keanu Reeves) has been having dreams and visions of another life, and is drawn to a mysterious woman (Carrie-Ann Moss) in his life. Soon, his reality, and fantasy are about to collide.

I’m still bitter that this movie wasn’t called The Matrix Rebooted because that’s what this movie is, a reboot. And the first act of the movie is really clever with the call backs to the original trilogy. Even if they keep reminding us of those references, its still an intriguing little story.

But the action here is fucking trash. The Matrix was groundbreaking for it’s time with its action, here? The shit is sloppy, tightly framed, and just fucking dull. And for a Matrix movie that shit cannot stand man.

It sucks, because there are some great ideas here, but ultimately they’re done nothing with them. Maybe I’ve just gotten spoiled, but this brand needs to be held by the high standards of the original. If not, what’s the damn point?

I wish I could say that I loved this movie, but nah. This deserved better, shit, we deserved better. I’m just so fucking disappointed.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) Review

I still remember the childlike wonder I felt when I first saw Spider-Man back in 2002; changing the nature of cinema forever. I felt the same way watching Spider-Man: No Way Home, the rich, and daring history of our friendly neighborhood Web-Head.

After the disastrous reveal of his identity, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) is worried for the safety of MJ (Zendaya), Ned (Jacob Batalon), and his Aunt May (Marisa Tomei), so in a fit of desperation he goes to Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) to cast a spell that will make the world forget who he really is. Well, it has dire consequences.

I will try my best to keep the film’s secrets, because you want to be surprised, and there’s way too many of them. Like, holy fuck. I don’t know what the hell can I say.

I can say, that there’s a lot of fan service. And its fucking excellent and organic to the plot. An argument can be made that you need to know your Spider-Man lore, and I do recommend it, if you want the full impact of the story. And if you do, you’ll fucking cry. I mean full on tears.

My God, the acting by literally every single person involved is nothing short of spectacular; in a movie with so much shit going on, its amazing that the acting is so grounded and emotional. I didn’t even realize how invested I was with these characters.

Jesus Christ, the movie is bold. I never thought I’d see a movie like this. Not in my wildest dreams. And I’m sorry for being annoyingly vague about the whole thing, especially since most of you know the movie’s secrets already. But if you know, then you understand what I’m referring to when I say that you’ll cry your eyes out. Yeah, that thing that came to mind? That, and a few other things. There, there it’s ok.

I seriously cannot recommend Spider-Man: No Way Home enough. I fucking love this movie so much. It might just be the best Spider-Man yet, but I guess only time will tell. In the meantime, go see it. You will not regret it.