Why The Ending of Pretty In Pink Is A Bunch of Bullshit


     The ending of Pretty in Pink always bugged the ever loving shit out of me. I just fucking sat there during the end credits thinking that what I saw just didn’t fucking feel right.
     To bring you guys up to speed, Pretty in Pink deals with Andie (Molly Ringwald) falling for the preppy rich mother fucker, Blaine (Andrew McCarthy). A rich guy with a poor girl, Jesus how will they raise the children? Then there’s Duckie (Jon Cryer) the long suffering friend who’s in love with Andie. Anyways, because Blaine has some asshole friends (James Spader), he breaks up with Andie, she goes to prom with Duckie and he lets her go be with Blaine because he cares about her happiness, or some bullshit. Blaine and Andie live happily ever after. The end.
     The thing is, that ending comes completely out of left field. Think about it for a second; there’s no build up at all to that conclusion. So it was no surprise to me at all that I ultimately came to find out that that was not the original ending. Andie was supposed to end up with Duckie.
     See, now that makes a shit ton more sense. The two friends are estranged for the second half of the movie, but still remains loyal to her. If you notice, he even fights for her (even when it makes him look like an asshole). Blaine caves into peer pressure and dumps Andie, while Duckie takes her back, no questions asked. Shit, the movie was supposed to end with David Bowie’s “Heroes” and those lyrics alone clue you in on the affect that he wanted the ending to have.
     The thing with the late John Hughes is that his endings are planned out, and built upon. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is literally the best example I can come up with. The whole film is littered with references to the truth behind John Candy’s character. It even flashes back to those scenes for God’s sake. Imagine if the ending were changed and the construction of the story is destroyed. What if the ending to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off was changed so the Ferrari isn’t destroyed. It fucks the whole thing up. It ruins character archs, and that shit fucking matters.
     Aside from the build up to the whole movie is ruined, but what truly offends me is how fucking lazy the rewrite was to give everyone a happy ending. Right after Duckie let’s Andie go, he sees a hot girl checking him out, and he’s, presumably, going to fuck her. Good for him, but its blatant Deus Ex Machina at its worst.
     Imagine that Duckie didn’t see random hot girl. Imagine that he let go of the love of his life so she could be happy. Imagine that in his noblity he ends up alone, that sometimes in life in order for someone to have that happy ending, someone has to sacrifice theirs. That would make all of you cry; instead we get some bullshit fable (fairy tales tend to end tragically) on how everything will work out. In high school? Fuck you.
     If any of you are curious about how Pretty in Pink should have played out, watch Some Kind of Wonderful. Same plot, except its a guy at the center of the love triangle.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows Review


     Where the fuck do I start with this? Like anyone born in the 80s, I have a very long history with this franchise. I still manage to find myself getting into debates whether the third film was really that bad (oh it so fucking is), or how Vanilla Ice has to be the greatest rapper of all time to freestyle an entire song while in concert as mutant monsters attack. I always had an affection for the Turtles.
     Until that piece of shit Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came out in 2014.
     I reached a sad point where I questioned if I had outgrown the series; maybe these movies aren’t even for the innocence in me.
     So in going to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows I was ready to at least take a nap. Not a total waste.
     But goddam it, I fucking liked the movie.
     I’m speaking as a TMNT fan; the flick is full of fan service elements, and personally, I don’t give a fuck. Out of the Shadows has Casey Jones (Steven Amell), Beebop and RockSteady (Gary Anthony Williams and Stephen Farrelly) and, holy shit, Krang (Brad Garrett). This was a flick that should have been made 25 years ago.
     Beyond the nostalgia, I recognized that what worked this time around was that the fimmakers finally decided to embrace the campiness of the material. Tyler Perry as scientist Baxter totally gets the kind of movie he’s in. The reboot just took shit way too seriously, and failed at being gritty and dark. This time around the settings, the characters, the tone even is more colorful, a lot more fun.
     I know there’s better films out there for you to watch, but considering that the last TMNT movies made me lament the loss of my innocence, I say that this one at least succeeds in not making me want to punch the wall. That’s a win in my book.

Film Directors That Get A Free Pass

     We all have them. The actors, writers or even directors who get a free pass from us as fans. The ones who do a piece of work so fucking good, that of they make a shitty movie, you give them a free pass and see the next one. Here is a not so definitive list of directors that deserve a free pass (keep in mind that there are so many more directors out there that get a free, this is just five of them).

1. Martin Scorsese


   Here’s an easy one to start with. I don’t care if Scorsese films Joe Pesci and De Niro just shouting mother fucker for 3 and a half hours or DiCaprio taking a shit for 2 hours, I’m seeing whatever this man does. Goodfellas is reason enough to see everything with his name on it.

2. Richard Linklater


     The first film I noticed from this director was Before Sunrise, a movie that somehow managed to make two people talking more interesting than the latest action blockbuster. It left such a profound impact that I didn’t talk to anyone about it for years. A bit like it was my little secret. Add onto it A Scanner Darkly, Waking Life, Daze and Confused, Boyhood, even the Bad News Bears remake, the man knows how to tell human stories without being a pretentious asshole about it.

3. Cameron Crowe


     This fucking guy tried my patience recently with the piece of shit that was Aloha, but he gets his free pass. Why do you ask? Say Anything… should be the only reason, but he also did Jerry Maguire, and the masterpiece that was Almost Famous. Crowe really pushed my theory of great artists getting a free pass, but also thanks to him it stuck.

4. Clint Eastwood


     I’m not kidding when I say that Clint Eastwood is one of the greatest American directors ever. With movies like A Perfect World, Mystic River, and especially Unforgiven, it isn’t hard to see that the man has got a firm grasp on his craft. Because of the past flicks I mentioned I saw Million Dollar Baby, and damn that shit was brutal emotionally.

5. Paul Feig


     It’s pretty safe to say that this is the director that people know the least, but he’s pretty fucking hated right now. Yep, this is the guy doing the Ghostbusters remake. And I’m going to go see it. All because the man created the show Freaks and Geeks. Yep. That’s it. That show, for me, was high school. It was way too real (and fucking hilarious) for me to handle. He other flicks like Bridesmaids, The Heat, and Spy I saw because of Freaks and Geeks, and I loved all of those movies.

     There are a shit ton of other directors that can go on this list, but these in particular I wanted to shed some light on. A lot of times paying attention to a director can save some cash, or destroy your soul (fucking Aloha). Most times you’ll find a gem, and it can make your day.