Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice Review

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     Where do I fucking start with this? Having grown up with these two icons in both comic books and films, a crossover film was the stuff that dreams were made of.
     And director Zack Snyder somehow managed to fuck it all up.
     It was going to be a Herculean task to get the characters together, and after seeing Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice I never realized just how difficult it would end up being just to make a good movie.
     After the events of Man of Steel, Superman (Henry Cavill) is being hailed as a god, but also demonized for causing a shit ton of property damage and loss of civilian life. Batman (Ben Affleck) having seen this devastating fight from the ground, vows to take him down regardless of what his intentions are. Lex Luther (Jesse Esienberg) hates Superman too, just because.
     I wish I could give more of a synopsis, but its really a pointless endeavour. Not just because most filmgoers just want to see Batman and Superman beat the living shit out of each other, but there’s really not that much more to tell. The movie is a damn mess. I mean shit, most of the time I couldn’t follow what was going on story wise, and quite frankly, I couldn’t give a fuck.
     The performances were fine, especially Affleck, and Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman, but the action  and visual effects just overwhelm everything. And how hard is it to write Lex Luther? I’m seriously asking, since I have yet to see an accurate post-crisis portrayal on screen. It was just simply put, an over acting performance, that felt quite bad. it just feels like every actor who plays a villain in a comic book movie is doing a variation on Heath Ledger’s Joker, and Marvel is guilty of this shit too.
     What has gotten me so upset about Batman v. Superman, is the utter waste of a perfectly good concept. Ever since I saw Batman Forever as a kid, and there was a throwaway line about Metropolis, I started wondering if Batman and Superman would ever appear on screen together. I think we all have. Well, now it’s here, and I couldn’t feel anything. No excitement, no emotional pull, not even nostalgia.
     The frustrating thing is that there are flashes of fun and enjoyment sprinkled throughout, like the dinner party where Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne meet, and how Batman and Superman finally were able to realize they are on the same side. That last one was especially brilliant, but then director Zack Snyder has to drive home the point like you the audience, are dumber than a two ton bag of bricks. I see genius in a sea of excessive horse shit, and you have no idea how exhausting that can be. Unless you see it.
     Instead, what I was left with was just an assembly of parts that didn’t add up to shit. This is how you make a movie by committee, instead of you know, a genuine love for the characters. Since this exists in a different continuity as other Batman and Superman flicks (except Man of Steel), to say there’s character building or set up is a goddam joke. We as fans deserve better than this, we’ve earned better than this. And to anyone who says you can compare this movie to the Marvel output of films, I say fine. But Marvel didn’t put out The Dark Knight.

Why The Netflix Marvel Shows Are Already The R Rated Marvel Films

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     Recently, I heard the head of Marvel Studios Kevin Feige comment on whether the company will ever release an R rated (17 & over) film. This came about from reports that Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice had a longer R rated cut; Feige said in a diplomatic way, that they weren’t going to do that, that the movies were meant for the whole family. This makes sense since Marvel is owned by fucking Disney.
     What I found hilarious about this question, besides that it’s a blatant attempt at fanning the Marvel/DC rivalry, was that Marvel Studios is already doing dark, R rated fare. What they’re doing on Netflix with their properties is enough to quench the vulgarity thirst that apparently a lot of comic book fans have.
     Having just finished the second season of Daredevil, I was amazed at how much more rewarding the characterizations, and storytelling were compared to what the Marvel Studios films have been offering. Sure, Daredevil dropped the ball a smidge towards the end, but its a fuck load better than all of Age of Ultron.
     In the first season, Wilson Fisk was just a hell of an antagonist. A villain that you could sympathize, and understand his motives. This time around that character is somebody who casual fans labelled a hero and that’s Frank Castle, also known as the Punisher.
     The Punisher should be exhibit A in the case of why Marvel should own the rights to all of their characters. With three failed movie attempts, and not one of those being a sequel, the show demonstrates easier what went wrong with the other versions: they portrayed him as a hero.
     Trust me, he’s not.
     The first few episodes terrified me of the Punisher, as you should have always been. Yes, he has a tragic, and heartbreaking backstory, but the man is fucking deranged. No person can be labeled a hero when you’re that unhinged.
  

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   I also feel compelled to bring up the other Marvel Netflix show, Jessica Jones. You mother fuckers want dark R rated stuff? Well its right here. Yeah, on the surface its a cool superhero riff on Raymond Chandler. And if you know Raymond Chandler, then you know shit is going to fucked up real quick.
     The entire show is a metaphor on sexual assault, namely the assholes who force themselves onto women against their will, and boy does this get real ugly, awkward, and uncomfortable real fast.
     And this is a great thing.
     It’s hard some people to empathise with such an ugly subject, and Jessica Jones pulls no fucking punches. Especially when the abuser, Killgrave, is played by beloved Sci Fi icon David Tennant.
     And he’s so fucking charming!
     This character is so god damn vile and despicable, yet so likeable that I wanted to take a long shower. When I said this shit got dark, I wasn’t exaggerating here. Comic book and science fiction works are always better when they’re metaphorical. It makes that horrible, bitter pill that much easier to swallow.
     I get that there’s a lot more you can do with a comic book property on t.v. vs a film, but also Netflix shows that you can do some deep, fucked up storytelling that is ultimately more rewarding for an adult audience. It’s cool that Marvel wants to make the films for the whole family. I can’t show my six year old niece Jessica Jones, or my nine year old nephew Daredevil (well, not yet anyway). We have to remember that superhero movies are for kids, first and foremost. Then you add shit for the adults. Shit, who do you think is taking the kids?