A Friday the 13th in October! Literally, no better time to watch a Friday the 13th movie. The cosmos are just begging you to watch one at this time. But which one? No one’s got time for all of them, so let me help you out and give my subjective, as in this list changes every single year, ranking of the films of Jason Voorhees.
Good Lord, what a piece of shit. I mean, shit, it goes against everything that the series established at this point. Body swapping? Get the fuck out of here. It’s fucking boring as sin, it just makes me angry. Angry that I wasted my time, that there was someone stupid enough to think that this could pass for entertainment. This ain’t fucking high art here; just have him slash teenager up at a camp. That’s it! Fuck this movie.
11. Friday the 13th (2009)
An unpopular choice, but it’s just dull. Like, it’s not fun at all. I hated every character, much less tolerate any of them. These flicks are supposed to be fun, but the movie is shot like a dark, drab photo, and every one takes this shot so seriously. The silliness was part of the charm. It just bums me out to watch this.
10. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
More like Jason Takes a Boat Ride. Only the last 20 minutes or so is Jason in Manhattan, and he doesn’t take anything except our time and good sense. It’s got some good kills, and points for wanting to do something different, but you actually have to fucking do it though.
9. Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
It’s Carrie vs Jason. That’s it. It’s alright, it just has a shot musical score. It tries to be a little deep, but it’s pretty generic, and the telepathic girl premise can only carry it so fucking far. But Kane Border is Jason in this and that guy’s a legend.
8. Jason X (2001)
Alright, it’s Jason in space and that is pretty stupid, but get some friends and booze involved, you’ll have a blast! It knows it’s ridiculous, it has outlandish kills, so it has the fun factor but the special effects are awful. Kind of adds to it to be honest.
7. Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)
I actually really dig this one. It goes back to the original formula of being a murder mystery. Tommy Jarvis has always been one of my favorite characters and I love his arc in this one. Shame it didn’t carry over, but it has some silly moments and vicious kills. Fun times.
Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
Here’s just an excellently made Friday the 13th movie. Completely goes in a gothic style that is pretty fucking cool. There’s an actual sense of atmosphere, and a great sense of humor that doesn’t undercut the horror. Just really good and fun.
5. Freddy vs Jason (2003)
Being a fan of both Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street how could I not love this. Yeah it spends a lot more time on the Freddy side of things, but I thought both characters were pitted against each other nicely.
4. Friday the 13th Part II (1981)
This is the Burlap Sack Jason. I love that this one uses the Campfire Story troupe. The 80s cheese just adds to it, and the music is just great. Gets your blood pumping. There was an actual attempt at trying to build a mythology around Jason, and that’s just cool.
3. Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
Here’s where Jason got the hockey mask for the first time. It has a little more going for it; some fun kills, some melodramatic bikers, some fat dude who likes to pretend he’s dead, it’s got it all. And in 3D…
2. Friday the 13th (1980)
The one that started it all. This is just a good slasher flick. The filmmakers are actually trying to make a good movie here, and they do. Violence, nudity, and stupidity just complete the package. If you don’t know the twist at the end, then watch it because everyone knows this shit by now. The idea one to watch on an actual Friday the 13th.
1. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
This is obviously not the “final” of anything, but it should’ve been. The flick that introduces Tommy Jarvis, who’s a 12 year old kid, gives the flick this sense of completion. Yeah there’s a lot of gratuitous sex and violence, but it’s the right amount. It just screams 80s in everything from the acting style to the costumes. It’s the one I revisit the most, and have a good time with. It’s a perfect representation of the series as a whole.
So there you have it, my very quick take on the merits of each installment. All have their good qualities that anyone can find their fun in. Except Jason Goes to Hell. Fuck that movie. Asshole of a movie.