The Green Inferno Review

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     I somehow get the feeling I’m not the intended audience for this movie; it’s strange, because I love horror movies, especially gory ones. The Green Inferno is a throwback to the Italian cannibalistic horror films that were all the rage in the late 70s and throughout the 80s. Yes, this was a popular trend for horror back in the day. For all its flash, and well done effects, it’s ultimately a hollow experience.
     Justine (Lorenza Izzo) is the daughter of a UN attorney and is just starting college when she wants to take up a cause, and low and behold, she wants to save the tribes in the Peruvian rainforest from being wiped out. Lead by Alejandro (Ariel Levy), a group of students take to Peru, seem to succeed in their mission when their plane crashes by one of the tribes… A cannibalistic tribe.
     Have any of you guys seen Hostel? Congratulations! You pretty much saw The Green Inferno. It’s funny though; the first half of the movie plays just like Hostel, with the overabundance of foreshadow that gets to be distracting after awhile. The whole second half of the movie is telegraphed in that first half, so I knew pretty much the horrors that were to follow. Yes, even the “twist” if you want to call it that. I caught on that there was a “twist” because I saw the first two Hostel movies.
     The acting is serviceable; all the actors play archetypes like, The Nice Guy, the Asshole, the Pot Head, and of course, the Final Girl. The writing is, well, you don’t give a shit about the writing. That’s fine, neither do I. I came for the blood and gore, it’s why most of you want to see this. And it’s meh. It’s plenty gruesome, but I’ve seen worse. Actually, that was underwhelming for me. I kept thing over and over, “Eh, that’s not so bad”. Trust me, that’s a shitty thing to be thinking while watching a horror flick.
      There’s nothing I love more than a good throwback movie (Hatchet is a great throwback slasher movie), but The Great Inferno is almost a fucking remake of Cannibal Holocaust. Well, except without the disgusting brutality. It was distracting the whole second half; I got to the point that I realized that if I wanted to watch Cannibal Holocaust, I would fucking watch Cannibal Holocaust. Even the message at the end of the movie is lifted from that movie except condescendingly so. So, who was this movie made for? I guess Eli Roth fans, but it’s formulaic like Hostel was. Gore hounds? We’ve seen worse, and we’ve seen this all before. There’s better horror out there, there’s better splatter films out there, and God help me, there’s better cannibalistic indigenous tribe movies out there. Yeah, that’s totally a thing.

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